To Not Fall Down


The cat is over by the wood stove regurgitating again. The sound no longer alarms me, as I know I will come across the small, liquid mess she has spewed out of her throat and I will clean it up off the wood floor or off the fire shield that is underneath the stove, which is now cold. Continue reading

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The Washout

A heavy rain falls. The phone line is unplugged and the WiFi is off. There were tornado warnings announced on the radio earlier. It is early fall, and I am not ready for the cold. However, the rain is welcome, as it has been dry for several weeks. The dust is dampened, the air purified. Breathing is eased. Continue reading

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To Be More Like a Tree

Sunlight filters through the leaves of the trees surrounding this uninhabited cabin in which I sit. Looking out of the screen door that opens onto a porch, the different shades of green of leaves and the gentle breezes through the trees soothe my soul. I take refuge here from my own cabin, a constant reminder of how much I need to do to be ready for the changing seasons, especially if I intend to get through another ten years living on my own out here in these woods, assuming I actually live that long. Continue reading

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Fathers Day


A new day dawning, brain swirling around the significance of Father, am conflicted. Knowing that there are 2000 children being interned by this U.S. Government, ripped away from their mothers and fathers, does not leave me feeling much faith in the day called “Fathers Day.” The perversion of the men responsible for this outrage is incomprehensible. How do men come to be such fearful, power-hungry monsters? Were they raised without love? Do any of them ever consider who they themselves are? This U.S. Government is “led” by liars, self-absorbed, unfeeling hypocrites. If any of these men expect to be honored by their offspring, I hope they are confronted by same about their unconscionable lack of action in righting, if that is even possible at this point, the tearing apart of families. Fathers Day is a big farce, meaningless, given that there are children abandoned and traumatized, housed in cold and stark environments without their loving caregivers. Continue reading

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Spring Welcomes Rain and Ticks

After what seemed an interminable winter, spring is finally here, with trees and shrubs leafing out everywhere, pollen yellowing the air and dusting the vehicles parked in my driveway. The temperature at night has been pleasant and during the day it has gone as high as the 80’s. Today it is a little overcast; rain is “likely” this evening. That is good because I put the tomato and pepper starts in the ground a couple of days back. I managed to plant lettuce, kale, and broccoli the week before. The rain is welcome. Continue reading

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Learning Discernment

Discernment eludes me, over and over, as I keep subjecting myself to opportunities to determine if whether or not I should believe the words of others.

Once again someone appeared on my doorstep with all the good-sounding words of his intent to participate here with me on Windemere. My nature is to trust, initially, and as time moves on, I realize I am perhaps too eager to believe the words of another. I ask myself what is the lesson for me, when I discover those words mean nothing. Am I missing the chance to evaluate my part, how I am responding to another? Am I too eager to accept another’s offer of assistance without acknowledging the red flag alerts that pop into my mind? I know I am a trustworthy person. Why am I so ready to assume others to be as trustworthy?

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It is evening; am eating a stir fry of zucchini, onion, garlic, and chicken sausage. I’m just a little stoned on one, just one, glass of red wine, hearing nuanced thoughts. If I were a poet, I would have the poem already written, dash the sentence order! It is enough to hear my own thoughts. Continue reading

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September 23, 2017

I hear the voices of little children in my head, screaming with terror, “Mommy, Mommy, what is happening?”

I see the little white, well-fed girl and boy looking up at their mother’s face for confirmation that they are going to be okay as they both cling to her bare legs where she stands. They are in their recently landscaped backyard, with its sturdy play fort, the brightly painted jungle gym and swing set, now rocking in place, with sounds falling on their ears, sounds they have never before heard, almost like the growling rumble of some unseen monster. Continue reading

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September 15, 2017

I woke up a bit before 4:00 A.M., startled out of my sleep by a picture in my brain that I could not quite make out. I realized I was seeing tiny worms, and they were tangled together, not so many, but enough to see they were alive. I gasped in my sleep, feeling for my flashlight so I might shine more light on them in order to see. Then I realized it was a dream. I woke up, quite aware that I had been thinking on the powder post beetles I wish to annihilate in Pope’s old cabin, which is overrun with them. Continue reading

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August 21, 2017

I am clearing my mind this morning with writing, releasing all concern.  If I can pinpoint what needs clearing, I may manage to get through this next hour, so that I can join the global meditation for peace that is to happen in about 45 minutes, coinciding with the momentous eclipse.

A week ago I was in Austin, packing my car, readying for the run back to my home here in the woods.  I had not been on a trip for almost two years.  Recently I had welcomed a married couple, Garland and Michelle, to come live here on this place.  They had needed a spot where they could bring their belongings, along with their fifth-wheel trailer, to “live out their days,” as they put it.  I was so happy to have them here.  I worked really hard to empty out the only available cabin so that we could begin the improvements needed in order for them to stay in it.  They helped as much as possible.

Garland and Michelle had been here at least a month, so I asked them if they would care for my animals for two weeks while I visited Austin.  They said they would. “Have fun!” they said.  By the time I was leaving, I felt confident that they would give my animals the care needed, as well as get some work done on the cabin.

I called them a few times, checking in to be sure they were doing okay.  In Austin, it was terribly hot, and here in the woods, apparently it was raining, a lot.  The last conversation I had was with Michelle.  She sounded a little annoyed that I was calling, and I realized that the rainfall was getting to them, as it was probably a hindrance to accomplishing anything in the cabin.  The few times I tried to call after that last exchange, nobody picked up.  I kept getting the message that the phone number was not available.  I felt an urgency to get back home.  I drove 9.5 hours, making only two stops; I got in at 5:00.

As I walked up my drive, all of my outside cats greeted me, some of them crawling up my legs.  Once inside my cabin, the three kittens went berserk, yowling.  There was no food out for them and the water dish was dry.  The litter boxes were full.  My plants looked okay except that the cats had started using them to take the place of the litter boxes.  I felt alarm, realizing that nobody had been here to feed or care for the cats for several days.  I quickly fed all of them; I got back in my car to go check on the feral cat population and the dogs over at the other cabin.

Garland and Michelle were not on the property.  Both their vehicles were gone, as well as his tools.  All of the feral cats and the dogs were ravenous.  No one had been here for several days, as there were no tire tracks in the damp driveway.  I peered through the window of the locked 5th-wheel and realized they had taken the television Michelle loved to watch, as it had blocked the window through which I was looking.

I was perplexed!  I fathomed how they could have decided to just leave, but I could not understand how they had not been considerate enough to call me to say they were leaving. I wondered if they had experienced some sort of crises health-wise.  I hoped not.  No, they had become disillusioned with the plan to stay here.  They had wanted to start painting inside the cabin and when it started raining daily, they could not paint.  Doubt had bubbled up and they had made a decision to abandon this place; to hell with it.

Surprisingly, I felt no anger.  Better to understand early on that they could not hack it here, rather than later.  I just wondered when they would return for their trailer and the rest of their things sitting under a tarp under the carport.

Today is gorgeous.  I went to bed fairly early last night, and just as I was about to drop off to sleep, I realized that my old cat, Jigga, was pissing on the bed, right next to me.  He was irritated that the kittens were on my bed, and to assert his right to being king of the cats in my house, he emptied his bladder.  I jumped up and stripped the bed.  I picked up Jigga by the scruff of his neck and carried him down to the front door, tossing him out.  I took the wet sheets, along with some detergent, out to the water trough in front of the cabin and dumped the pile into the water, adding soap.  I vigorously hand washed the sheets, plunging them up and down in the water, then wrung them out slightly and threw them across the clothesline to hang overnight.  By the time I had scrubbed the mattress with vinegar water and gone to my other bed, it was 4:00 A.M.

I awakened around 9:00 A.M.  It is now 12:10 P.M.  The eclipse is starting.  The light outside the cabin is getting dimmer.  I will stop this writing now so that I can join the world-wide meditation.  As I look up from this screen, I see the light is brighter outside my windows; now it has dimmed.  Unprepared to actually watch the eclipse, I will have to stay indoors and thus not chance the impulse to look up at the sun.  I will clear my mind and focus on all the good that is part of this world and beyond, the unseen, the unfathomable, which is the source of All That Is.  Thus, I release all concern.


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