A Quest

 

It’s a good thing I have a dog, a really sweet heart of a dog, who lets me love on her, petting her for as long as I wish, and then, without guilt, I can come back inside and ignore her as she yelps lightly, trying to get me back out there to play with her.

Isn’t this why we get a dog, instead of having a committed relationship, so we have an outlet for all our unexpressed love, our need to touch somebody, feel loved in return, and then, without guilt, return to our little shells to breathe freely, renewed for a bit? Continue reading

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To Not Fall Down

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The cat is over by the wood stove regurgitating again. The sound no longer alarms me, as I know I will come across the small, liquid mess she has spewed out of her throat and I will clean it up off the wood floor or off the fire shield that is underneath the stove, which is now cold. Continue reading

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The Washout

A heavy rain falls. The phone line is unplugged and the WiFi is off. There were tornado warnings announced on the radio earlier. It is early fall, and I am not ready for the cold. However, the rain is welcome, as it has been dry for several weeks. The dust is dampened, the air purified. Breathing is eased. Continue reading

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To Be More Like a Tree

Sunlight filters through the leaves of the trees surrounding this uninhabited cabin in which I sit. Looking out of the screen door that opens onto a porch, the different shades of green of leaves and the gentle breezes through the trees soothe my soul. I take refuge here from my own cabin, a constant reminder of how much I need to do to be ready for the changing seasons, especially if I intend to get through another ten years living on my own out here in these woods, assuming I actually live that long. Continue reading

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Fathers Day

 

A new day dawning, brain swirling around the significance of Father, am conflicted. Knowing that there are 2000 children being interned by this U.S. Government, ripped away from their mothers and fathers, does not leave me feeling much faith in the day called “Fathers Day.” The perversion of the men responsible for this outrage is incomprehensible. How do men come to be such fearful, power-hungry monsters? Were they raised without love? Do any of them ever consider who they themselves are? This U.S. Government is “led” by liars, self-absorbed, unfeeling hypocrites. If any of these men expect to be honored by their offspring, I hope they are confronted by same about their unconscionable lack of action in righting, if that is even possible at this point, the tearing apart of families. Fathers Day is a big farce, meaningless, given that there are children abandoned and traumatized, housed in cold and stark environments without their loving caregivers. Continue reading

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Spring Welcomes Rain and Ticks

After what seemed an interminable winter, spring is finally here, with trees and shrubs leafing out everywhere, pollen yellowing the air and dusting the vehicles parked in my driveway. The temperature at night has been pleasant and during the day it has gone as high as the 80’s. Today it is a little overcast; rain is “likely” this evening. That is good because I put the tomato and pepper starts in the ground a couple of days back. I managed to plant lettuce, kale, and broccoli the week before. The rain is welcome. Continue reading

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Learning Discernment

Discernment eludes me, over and over, as I keep subjecting myself to opportunities to determine if whether or not I should believe the words of others.

Once again someone appeared on my doorstep with all the good-sounding words of his intent to participate here with me on Windemere. My nature is to trust, initially, and as time moves on, I realize I am perhaps too eager to believe the words of another. I ask myself what is the lesson for me, when I discover those words mean nothing. Am I missing the chance to evaluate my part, how I am responding to another? Am I too eager to accept another’s offer of assistance without acknowledging the red flag alerts that pop into my mind? I know I am a trustworthy person. Why am I so ready to assume others to be as trustworthy?

Continue reading

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Enough

It is evening; am eating a stir fry of zucchini, onion, garlic, and chicken sausage. I’m just a little stoned on one, just one, glass of red wine, hearing nuanced thoughts. If I were a poet, I would have the poem already written, dash the sentence order! It is enough to hear my own thoughts. Continue reading

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September 23, 2017

I hear the voices of little children in my head, screaming with terror, “Mommy, Mommy, what is happening?”

I see the little white, well-fed girl and boy looking up at their mother’s face for confirmation that they are going to be okay as they both cling to her bare legs where she stands. They are in their recently landscaped backyard, with its sturdy play fort, the brightly painted jungle gym and swing set, now rocking in place, with sounds falling on their ears, sounds they have never before heard, almost like the growling rumble of some unseen monster. Continue reading

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September 15, 2017

I woke up a bit before 4:00 A.M., startled out of my sleep by a picture in my brain that I could not quite make out. I realized I was seeing tiny worms, and they were tangled together, not so many, but enough to see they were alive. I gasped in my sleep, feeling for my flashlight so I might shine more light on them in order to see. Then I realized it was a dream. I woke up, quite aware that I had been thinking on the powder post beetles I wish to annihilate in Pope’s old cabin, which is overrun with them. Continue reading

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