Can some things change? Some things never change. The dogs missed us, and were happy to see us, and the cats came around my legs to tell me they were ready to have their food bowls refilled. My neighbor drove past my cabin and did not stop. I learned this a few hours later when he called. “I didn’t want to disturb you,” he said. He called to say he would like to bring back the two plants he had taken to his warm house after they barely survived a freezing night in my place last week. He did not wish to sit down to visit, just came and left a few minutes later. Home once more, after being gone ten days; it is unchanged.
I spent all day doing not much, although I woke up with energy I should have expended on doing some things that really need doing. The windowpanes need spackling, and a sheet-rocked wall needs taping and floating, plus a coat of paint. The day passed without speaking to anybody except a call from a salesperson, wondering if I still am thinking about buying a new vehicle. I am not. Now it is dark outside, and all I accomplished is the potting of a couple of ivy plants that will fare better in the larger planter I found. It is Friday night, and I am a long ways from Austin, Texas, where I spent ten days in the company of other people.
It was good to get away for a bit. I had a pleasant Thanksgiving dinner with my family. I also had the pleasure of meeting up with old friends. As her guest, I went with my daughter to the gym where we swam in a pool under the stars on the top floor of a huge hotel, sat in a hot tub, and enjoyed a sauna. She talked me into going shoe shopping, which I do not think she knew would take forever. I tried on about fifty pairs of shoes, and finally decided on a pair of boots that maybe I will get to wear when I go to town. Living out on the land is not conducive to getting dressed up to go anywhere.
When I come back from being in the city, I feel a pull to turn around and go back, for there, I see others, and have someone with whom to share a meal or two. In addition, the job market is alive and well. I have learned that I do not have a job here, and it is back to living on the financial edge.
If there is to be any change in my life, I must initiate it.
After spending ten days in a “real” house, I sit in my cabin and think about how I would like to make some changes. There is too much stuff piled here and there. I need to eliminate much of it. Some of it is necessary, useful stuff, such as my tools. They have no place to be stored. Almost ready to try building myself a shed, I can move all the stuff out that I do not wish to see. It is no longer an option, to hire a man to come build it for me. If I build anything, I will have to get up the nerve to do it myself. I am going to sit down and draw up some plans, the way I did when I designed this cabin. That was over 15 years ago. I think I can remember how to do it. I am thinking setting myself a time limit in which to get it built is important. Otherwise, given the unchanging “Ozark time,” it may never happen! It can be a birthday present to me, which is in less than two weeks.
It will be something new for me, to build something without any help. If I can imagine it, then it can happen. Some things never change, but there is always a time when change is inevitable. Now is that time, even if it is not earthshaking or really all that important. In my life, if I start anything and manage to see it through, then I know I have grown, and changed. This is a good thing!