Love, Affection, or Attention

Recently a friend posted something on Face Book that someone said:

“Never chase love, affection, or attention.  If it isn’t given freely by another person it isn’t worth having.”  The affirmation that followed this was:

“I value myself and only accept the best for me.”

My first reaction to these words was, “This is so true!”

Then I started thinking about it.  I realize that these above thoughts are based on fear and
conditional love.  When I give love, affection, and attention to another, it is genuinely given, without thought of what I might receive in return.  The above thought suggests that one is calculating whether or not his/her “love, affection, or attention” will be returned in kind.  If it is really love, affection, or attention, then it is given in that moment, without thought or calculation.  Simply by giving anything so intangible to another is an expression of who I am, a lover, essentially, and not worried about how I come across.  I am secure in my own being, feeling love and affection for another.  I do not require reciprocity, for the joy I feel in the giving is all I know, in that moment.  It is afterwards, upon reflection, that I find myself questioning whether or not I had some hidden motive in my expression of love, affection, and attention.  Was I seeking the same from another?  If so, then my initial expression was not genuine.  Inevitably, we get ourselves tangled up with doubt and ultimately, fear, that perhaps we are not “good enough,” especially when we detect a hesitancy on the part of another to express the same.  These thoughts are a sure way to kill something that is or was, initially, pure and good.  Any exchange that elicits joy in ones self and/or another need never be questioned.  It is when, based on memory of any previous exchange, one finds ones self seeking a repeat of the initial experience that one invites confusion and fear.  Thus, I would say that I know I love myself, otherwise, how could I give unconditionally.  Because I know I am worthy of love, be it love for myself or any expression of love toward or from another, I need not fear for the future.  Each moment we live is a chance to give, and possibly, receive love.  The only truth we can know is our own.  When we share something with another, it is for that moment in time.  It is not necessarily something we can count on from another.  Only when we know ourselves thoroughly can we be free of that fear that we might not meet somebody’s standards.  Give love, without condition, and then let it all go.  When I give love, affection, and attention to another person, I am not “chasing” anything.  I am simply being who I am.  By giving my best, I already know that I also receive and “accept the best for myself.”

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