I suppose I must accept it: my attempt to live simply in this 21st century is delusional. Being part of these times seems so complicated, full of contradiction, and sometimes, just frustrating. I am starting to understand all those folks who use alcohol, drugs, and other sources for turning off their brains in order to be here. In fact, I fall back on at least one source daily: the Internet. I have been on here since I woke up this morning.
As I write, I have a six-week-old kitten sitting on my lap. I held him all last night as I slept on the couch. On impulse, two weeks ago, I went to the cat feeding station at my neighbor’s and caught him. Offspring of some feral momma cat, he seemed healthy, with a good appetite. He tamed up quickly over a few days. Now he is just trying to live. He had fleas, which I dealt with using diatomaceous earth; then he seemed lethargic all this week. Having determined that I could not afford to have him examined by the vet, since I already owe the man over $200, I put off going. Yesterday I finally drove the 70 miles to Russellville and got some wormer. The vet had left for a long weekend, so I did not have the option to go further into debt with him. “Muffin” would most likely have been given an antibiotic, and who knows what else. Now he is not eating and I am pushing water with a syringe down his throat. I do not want the little guy to die, but he might. I will be here, holding him, watching him, talking to him. He is my latest escape from the “reality” of my “simple” existence. I hope he makes it through this. I bought kitty toys.
Out on my porch sits a box of sprouting sweet potatoes. I need to go dig up an area in which to plant them. The thought of digging makes me lethargic! Today would be an ideal time to do so, since it is much cooler and overcast. I may still, later this afternoon, in the evening. I could use a nap right now, since sleeping on my couch is not restful.
In my propane fridge, on the dining table, and in a large bowl on my makeshift countertop are too many zucchini. This is also ideal weather for baking zucchini bread. It is easy for me to decide to not bake, since it burns up propane and heats up my cabin. If I knew someone who wanted to buy zucchini bread from me, I would be more inspired. The plants will keep being prolific until it gets too hot. Without enough water, they will die off. Maybe, when the tomatoes start ripening, I can make a large batch of soup to can, using whatever I have: zucchini, tomatoes, kale. It is always great to have canned soup on the shelf on a cold wintry day.
I lost all the pears to the bear. I did not go to the garden for two days and during that time, some large critter tore off three heavily laden branches. I must be getting better at acceptance, as I could not even cry, although I felt like it, just for a moment. The bear also tore up a peach tree. There are still a couple of trees that have peaches, so I may still get to can those, if I keep a close watch.
I am living here, out of touch with what most would call “reality.” I think about trying to learn how to use the net in order to sell something. Apparently, that is the primary reason anyone blogs. The intent is to sell someone something. I “blog” just to get stuff out of my simple mind, so that I can feel even simpler! My content is not teaching how to do anything in particular. Some might call it just moaning. I am not caught up with the way it is done, this way to make lots of money. I am old school, and I do not even wish to stay in that mode, either. I would like to understand how to use platforms, info graphics, CRM’s, and leads, but only if I can feel passionate about whatever I have to share. It feels wrong to charge people money for being helpful, or for teaching a skill. So many offers arrive for one to learn how to be a “life-coach,” or to become certified in some food-growing technique, or how to use natural herbs for health, and all of these programs charge exorbitant prices. I recall meeting Peace Corps volunteers in Venezuela, back in the early 60′s, who shared their skills and made a big difference in peoples’ lives. Does the Peace Corps even exist nowadays? The shift from the sharing of information and working alongside others without expectation of recompense to the greed-motivated sharing via the Internet of these days is disconcerting, as well as ubiquitous. When I try to tune into what is happening, I just want to go back to sleep.
Despite the fact that I cannot seem to disengage from paying attention to what is going on in this world, my life still seems fairly simple, which is a blessing, in some ways. I have zucchini, tomatoes, and kale to eat, and to hell with SNAP. In other ways, I feel very alone and too isolated, which is the only reason I “blog.” In my deluded fantasy, I wish some really smart, intelligent, hard-working, non-consumerist mentality types would get in touch with me to find out if they might come visit for a spell. Might they find a much simpler life more inviting and satisfying than what they are doing now, here in this 21st century?