Tuning In

I am tuning in to my son singing his song, “The Fall.”  I can listen to it repeatedly, never tiring of his added harmonies, the emotion in his voice, his guitar playing, and his lyrics.

My phone rings.  It is my friend calling to thank me for helping her move today.  She asks if she is interrupting anything.  I assure her she is not.  She talks for a while about her life, her dreams; I listen.  She has a book in mind to write.  There is no doubt in my mind it will be an excellent book.  She shares a couple of stories from her past.  After a while, I tell her I am hoping to get something written today.  “For your blog?” she asks.

I know my writing is not anything of great importance.  It is more, for me, just a challenge to see if I can do it almost daily.  Whether or not anything I say helps another, I doubt I shall ever know.  I have always been a good listener for others.  Now I am merely seeing if I can hear myself!

Meanwhile, in the back of my mind, I am thinking about the way things are going, out in the rest of the world.  The “news” is so predictable now, I last about five minutes listening to National Public Radio.  When will it change to something unheard of, like, “Today, the Presidential nominees stopped their races for the remainder of the week in order to be home with their families.  They each say they need to reassess in what sort of state they wish to leave the planet for their future grandchildren.”  Alternatively, how about this? “Today, the men and women of the Congress voted unanimously to let go being paid their salaries in order to help fund the housing and feeding of the thousands (or is it millions?) living on the streets of these United States.”  That would be a shock!   Maybe this would be even more shocking: “Today, as the waters rose suddenly all along the shorelines of the continents around the world, people were astounded to see huge spacecrafts appearing from seemingly, out of nowhere, lifting people into the air out of harms way, gathering them into the ships.   So many people tried to hide, horrifically frightened, while others waved frantically, begging to be “beamed up.”  The videos taken by those individuals with their smart phones can be seen in a live stream on tonight’s ten o’clock news, online!  Meanwhile, the oceans have moved inland fifty miles.”

Have I seen too many movies?  Probably.  On the other hand, I no longer have any compulsion to watch any movies.  There is so much going on right now, I wonder why humanity, as a Whole, has not realized that it is over, or might as well be, given our collective path.  We have “blown it!”  We have not taken the collective leap in consciousness that can make all the madness stop.  The balance is lost, at this point, although, granted, there is always tomorrow.  What if there were no tomorrow?  We are like what’s-her-name in “Gone with the Wind,” putting the back of her hand to her forehead, leaning against the stairs, sighing and saying to herself, “I will think about that tomorrow!”  Or something to that effect (Vivien Leigh, in the role of Scarlett).

We have the potential, the built-in knowledge to act, to change our path.

Okay, maybe it is true that I am seeing everything in black or white.  At times, it is hard to believe what is actually happening here in this world.  I stay home for weeks at a time, without talking to any people out in the community.  If I do leave this property, it is for a short period, to buy groceries, get some gasoline, or pick up my mail.

Yesterday, I got a call from the office.  They wanted me to go fill in for a co-worker who called in sick.  They had not called me in over two weeks.  I had plans, but I changed them.  I went to a client’s home and spent five hours there.

That five-hour long stay reminded me of how many people live their lives on completely different “wave-lengths.”  How easily I forgot that I see life differently.  I remembered this fact, just by noting what this household ate for breakfast.  I wanted to say something, but knew better.  The years of doing this type of work, (home health) taught me that people do not wish to change.  They stay with that which is familiar.  Who am I to judge?  As I spent my time there, doing whatever I could to be of use, I forced myself to release the old feelings of frustration I felt so many times in the past, when I worked full time.  No matter how much I thought I might help someone, simply by suggesting a different diet, it was not my place, especially if not asked for help.  Yesterday I readapted, did my best to ignore the constant noise of the ever-present television, and left as soon as my assigned hours were completed.  I just wanted to get back to my own familiar world.

I am beginning to see the contradiction in my approach.  I feel I am a compassionate soul, open to the possibility of loving on an impersonal, universal level.  When I hear my own thoughts, judgments of others’ ways of living, I know I am still not “there.”  I would rather not interact with people with whom I have little in common, especially when I may not have any meaningful (and that is my interpretation, not anyone else’s) impact on their lives.  I would rather just keep to myself.  Is that being universally loving?  Perhaps it is being universally loving, simply by not forcing myself or my opinions on anybody!  Okay, looking at it that way, I need not feel bad about being who I am.  I must respect the boundaries that will always exist.  I may think, “Too bad if someone experiences poor health just because they never consider the effect food has on his/her life.”  What I may think matters not.  They just know what they like, and that is all that matters.

Oh boy~!  I hope I do not live to be old, incapable of caring for myself.  If there is anything I dread, it is being at the mercy of others, needing care and assistance!  I might encounter someone even more strong-willed than myself who is not the least interested in what I might wish to have be.  I might meet the worst version of myself!  That could be a nightmare.

Thus, with this not-so-humble-opinionated-musing on how out-of-balance this world is, I have decided I must relinquish my ideas of whatever I think I see.  I am not qualified to make any judgment regarding others’ lives.  I am allowed to have my own opinion, which is a form of judgment, but no one needs to hear me voicing it.  As I sit here writing this, of course I realize how ridiculous I am, for I am voicing it all right here.  The catch is, nobody is obliged to read this.  I am just enjoying looking at my own foolishness.

No harm done; all is well.  I may, and can, listen to my son singing his song again; let go any concern about the fate of the world, or “The Fall.”

(On my Home page, click on “Christopher Plowman/ singer and songwriter) (In addition, thanks for listening!)

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2 Responses to Tuning In

  1. David Price says:

    Tina’s got talent.

    You put us there. You let us be with you, with your presence, the way you think and grapple with your contradictions–and we like being there.

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