Once again someone appeared on my doorstep with all the good-sounding words of his intent to participate here with me on Windemere. My nature is to trust, initially, and as time moves on, I realize I am perhaps too eager to believe the words of another. I ask myself what is the lesson for me, when I discover those words mean nothing. Am I missing the chance to evaluate my part, how I am responding to another? Am I too eager to accept another’s offer of assistance without acknowledging the red flag alerts that pop into my mind? I know I am a trustworthy person. Why am I so ready to assume others to be as trustworthy?
I must have a level of desperation within me to see results in that I overlook aspects of conversations that tell me someone is being disingenuous. I cannot blame anyone for this. It is said that like attracts like. Am I attracting other desperate people? It is quite possible.
I look back and try to remember those times I may have done to others that which I realize is being done to me. I have no excuses for those times I may have led another into them possibly trusting me and then destroying that trust by my own unconscious actions. If I were to grasp for an excuse, it would be, primarily, that I did not know myself, that I did not recognize my own power, or the Source of it, and that I lived each day carefree, without blame, where in actuality, I was not taking responsibility for my own words and actions. My ability to discern was not intact. Instead, I functioned out of an instinct based on fear, unwilling to look at myself. When the day arrived where I realized this about myself, my hair stood on end and it was a challenge to not judge myself harshly, to forgive myself, and to try to stay alert to what underlying impulses might exist in me based on fear.
As I grow older with each day, I feel less guilt because I am now willing to look, to delve and discern my own flaws within all communications with others. I am not blameless, and neither is anyone else. We are all doing the best we can as the conditioned beings that we are. Self awareness is difficult, especially when one has lived life looking outside one’s self for reinforcement and approval. I know this was my own conditioning.
I always looked for approval from my parents, especially from my father. When he destroyed the trust I had in him it was as though I had had my line of oxygen severed out in the void of space, leaving me hurtling out further into the void, and dying. Much time passed before I realized I had always been seeking another to affirm my own existence, my worthiness to even be here. A friend would say to me, “Love your Self!” My response was always, “I do!” He would shake his head and look down at his feet, possibly thinking that I would never “get it.” He tried to steer me in the right direction and finally stopped making any attempt to get across to me the meaning of those words: “Love your Self.”
I am learning, gradually, the immensity of that advice, for it affects every aspect of my life as well as that of others. It turns out that in Spirit, there are no “others,” for we are each a part of an unfathomably huge Reality called, for the sake of keeping it simple, The One. Thus, as I grow into Self love, I see that I cannot exclude those who are also part of this Reality. However, I am only responsible for my Self. I cannot hope for another Self to direct and meet the challenge of being who I am in this lifetime. Every soul is working with its own challenges. We may find we have compassion for another and perhaps learn to be more kind, however, that does not mean we must assume responsibility for the choices made by another. I have learned there is a Universal Law that stresses that when you hurt yourself, you inflict hurt on everyone else living, and that when you hurt another, you also hurt yourself. It is so simple! By remembering this, recognizing that I am a part of All That Is as much as anybody else on the ultimate journey, conflict, anger, and aggression are reduced, and sometimes nullified, for a moment only, perhaps. The enlightened Ones who walk this planet have grasped this innately. They may have come in just to be examples for us, having already learned this lesson previously. They attract students, followers, and these teachers, (even though they may wish to not be called “Teachers”) send forth the message that it is already within each one of us, that Truth which determines what Is, has been, can be.
It is no accident that I encounter people who awaken in me an urgency to look within, to discern, to make decisions and to change. It is possible any encounter one may have with me affects him/her as well. Whether or not we consciously acknowledge any influence we may have on each other, it is more real to me today how true this is. We are here for one another, in the long run, no matter what sort of encounter we may experience. Our paces are individual. I consider myself a slow learner. Something someone else may have figured out years ago, I am only now beginning to grasp. It is all good, and each encounter is another deep lesson, beautiful in this manner. This latest encounter helped me see that I am getting better at discernment and that I really have nothing to fear. In ways we cannot always put into words, we are “doing” for each other, assisting one another on our paths, all of which is “what it’s all about!” I am glad to discern this.